I meant to blog about this several weeks ago, but I forgot. As T would say, sorry ’bout dat.
I”m sure pretty much all of you know that Mervyn’s has recently gone out of business. Some of you may also know that my mom is a sucker for a sale. So you can imagine how many times we went to Mervyn’s in their last 2 weeks, when everything was 70 and 80% off.
It was fun, though. I got lots of clothes that didn’t cost me a penny. (Mom is very generous when shirts only cost a few bucks) I really needed some new tops because mine were mostly all stained. Now, before you think I’m a total slob, let me remind you that I have small children. A mother of small children is almost always wearing stained tops. There are two exceptions to this rule. A) She is wearing a new shirt, or B) She is SuperMom who is always clean, her kids are always clean, her house and car are always clean. Her kids are polite and well behaved and excellent students (of course, she homeschools), and all potty trained before age 2. She is never without diapers or wipes, always carries healthy snacks, and her children do not know what soda tastes like. Her checkbook is organized, her bills paid, and she has a budget she actually sticks too. She cooks a well balanced gourmet dinner every night and never argues with her husband. Her children are always in bed by 7:30pm and sleep through the night by 2 weeks old.
Now, we all know that SuperMom doesn’t exist, so there really is only one reason a mom has a clean shirt…it’s new. And you can always tell how old her children are by where the stains are located. For example:
Stain on top of one shoulder running down the back: Mom of newborn who spits up regularly after feedings while being burped.
Stain in general chest area: Mom of 6month-18month old. Child is big enough to sit up in mom’s lap, but not big enough to know not to wipe snot on mom’s chest. (this is especially bad if mom nurses baby)
Stain near shirt bottom, mainly on one side or the other near the front pockets of pants: Mom of preschooler-primary school age child who must get mom’s attention by repeatedly hitting mom on the hip with jelly stained fingers.
I hear that, after this point, the staining of clothes is done more by the mom. But, by then, the mom is brainless, according to her teenagers, and it’s a wonder she can even feed herself. When a mom spills on herself while eating at this point, said teenagers just shake their heads and thank God that none of their friends are around to see how lame their mom is.
Of course, mom gets infinately more intelligent as the teenager becomes an adult. But, by then, mom is so tired from raising her kids that she doesn’t care if all the food makes it to her mouth. At this point, she might use a technique that my own mom employs, and lay a towel across her chest before eating…just to keep the cost of new clothes down.
But, that’s not what I came to talk about.
I came to tell you about what will probably be the death of me…and my mom. I say the death of us because we each got a pair of these:
Yeah, those are Heeleys. For those of you who are not savvy, Heely’s are those annoying sneakers you see kids in these days rolling around in their heels. There are wheels in the heels of the shoes and you can roll like you were wearing skates.
Yup, mom and I have secretly wanted pairs since they first came out, but it was ridiculous to buy them at $65 when we knew we were just going to make fools out of ourselves. Spending $13 to make fools of ourselves is much more reasonable.
Let’s just hope that the bone I break is in my legs. I can’t not be able to knit for months because of a broken hand…
Change of Subject Alert!
I’ve been pleasently surprised to find that I have a few more readers. It’s been really nice to get comments from people who don’t know me and therefore don’t have to comment.
While I was thinking how I would like to see even more comments, I realized that my commenting on the blogs that I read are few and far between. Even though I do most of my reading while holding/nursing D, I’ve got to practice what I preach and comment myself. So, I’ve been trying to comment on all the blogs.
And, speaking of baby, isn’t she cute when she sleeps?